Daniel Beddingfield Makes Me Cry

Well the title says it all, but to be quite honest it wasn't D-Bed who made me cry. I spoke with an old (former) friend tonight. She had been ignoring me, and when I thought all I had wanted was the truth...the truth wound up being a knife to the heart. It's funny how we find ourselves in these situations, it's funny how you remember people in places you never thought of them before. You think of memories that you're confused whether they even happened or not. People escape their pasts everyday, and for them it's so easy. How come I'm standing here, saying "God, move me on, bring me to the next stage of my life" and I'm getting shot down.

I'm not sure how that exactly works...but somehow it seems to be happening. I keep telling myself in my head to have a better attitude, and some days I really do fool myself that I'm better. But then there's sinking feeling in my gut and heart that won't go away. I wish I could simply tell my heart to stop beating that hard, but the outcome of that wouldn't be too pretty.

The old (former) friend was honest. She was just what I wanted from her. But it hurt. It hurt the most because she said something I didn't want to hear, she left a vague distant trace of hope...She said "yet".
Yet could mean whenever. It could mean a month, it could mean a year(s). How soon is yet?
She also said something else I didn't want to hear..."I know you're a good person". She's not supposed to say that, and more than likely if the others knew she said that to me she could get in trouble. Yet, she said it. Yet, she meant it.
What she said was supposed to, probably, make me feel better, make herself feel better because she prevented the crazy girl from not killing herself. But it didn't make me feel better. It made the guilt that much worse. It made it that much worse to block her, and to delete her from internet communication forever...
Well maybe not forever, because that "yet" is still lingering out there somewhere, it's intangible and was given no date.

I was making a bed today when I realized...so this must feel like to have your heart broken.
I cant say that that has ever happened to me, so now I know...and it sucks. Of course losing love of friends isn't really the same as love for boyfriend/girlfriend...but who knows...maybe it's worse?

Writing has always made situations like this a lot easier. I'm beginning to think that it's time to move on, completely. I think the old (former) friends words were too honest...and the future is supposed to be total honesty, but could I stand talking candidly with them like that in the future? Do I even want to anymore?

Should I write myself out of the history books
And mark a place in time for every chance you took?
Don't get me wrong
I know you've got your life in place
I've yet to take the hint some day
I'm sure I'll get the picture
And stop waiting up

Somehow I think I should stop waiting up.
Somehow that honesty has made me realize that it's time to be honest with myself and this world around me and move on from whatever the mess/hole I've dug myself into. Realizing that it'll never be the same again has been really hard...but I think I got that picture, and pray that one day "yet" will be "soon".