love.

Then you tell me...
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me

I'm done, there's nothing left to show
I try but can't let it go
Are you happy where you're standing still?
Do you really want the sugar pill?
I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll start
Tonight it feels so hard
As the train approaches Gare Du Nord
As I'm sure your kiss remains employed
Am I only dreaming?

oh sigh...life has a funny way of bringing songs in and out of my life. it has a funny way of making me feel different emotions. good emotions, but different.
i'm on a jimmy eat world kick the past few days...and i love this song. i love most of their stuff, just because it's all not so typical.
i'm falling back in love with switchfoot these days too.
and lifehouse.
basically i'm loving a whole lot of different music.

freshman year of college is about to end. if you told me a year ago where i'd be in life today, what it would all look like...i would have killed myself. however, i'm sitting here right now...happy. happiest i've ever been in a really long time.
i've found things about myself.
i've found friendships.
and most of all i've found God in everything.


pretty much life is grrreat.

Irish Blessing

"I wish you not a path devoid of clouds, nor a life on a bed of roses,
Not that you might never need regret,
nor that you should never feel pain.
No, that is not my wish for you.

My wish for you is:
That you might be brave in times of trial,
when others lay crosses upon your shoulders.
When mountains must be climbed and chasms are to be crossed,
When hope can scarce shine through.
That every gift God gave you might grow with you
and let you give your gift of joy to all who care for you.
That you may always have a friend who is worth that name,
whom you can trust and who helps you in times of sadness,
Who will defy the storms of daily life at your side.

One more wish I have for you:
That in every hour of joy and pain you may feel God close to you.
This is my wish for you and for all who care for you.
This is my hope for you now and forever."

Iris Says

It’s kind of like watching your worst nightmare unravel right before your eyes, but you can’t wake up. Your eyes are glued so tightly together, and no matter how many times you rub them, or however many times you convince yourself that in a few moments it will all go away...it doesn’t. Iris says that you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming. I never thought it would be true, until now, looking down at her. The tears should be flowing like a faucet, but instead I stand, shocked and in awe at the site before me. I can’t move my arms, legs, or lips. I used to have such a strong grasp on situations like these, I used to be calm, cool, collective.
Iris says all I can breathe is your life, but she’s so weak, and her life is fading so fast. She tries to speak, but she doesn’t have enough energy. She was once so strong, and she’s been reduced to this.
I bend down next to her and kiss her hand. People lay in bed; sick and weak, every day, but it feels like no one will ever understand this. I try to apologize, but it’s too late. Iris says everything is made to be broken. This is life isn’t it. The tears still aren’t coming, and when I breathe in it’s akin to a knife to the chest. Iris says you’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be.
I don’t want to leave her side. I just want to sit, and wait. I sit and wait because away from her side is no one. Away from her side is total loneliness.

Iris says you bleed just to know you’re alive.
Iris says I just want you to know who I am...but she knows. She’s the only one who does.
What Iris doesn’t say is that I’ll miss you, and I am missing you, and that just because this is life...I thought you’d be stronger than it.

Iris says I’d give up forever to touch you...and as I’m squeezing your hand...I know that you feel me somehow.

music from the past.

So I stumbled across a video today, a video that I technically was looking for...but I didn't really want to find it. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my horrible past seemed to be right in front of me.
I wanted to know what you were thinking when you were singing? Were you focusing on the past too? Did you remember, like I remember everyday?

Do those chords remind you of simpler times? Do they bring you back to another time...and suddenly I'm hit with a realization that I can't ask you these questions for an answer, I can't tell you what they remind me of.

I stumbled across this video and one day it hits like a ton of bricks, and everything I've ever had, and everything I've ever known, it's gone. And when I hear those songs play, that soundtrack to my life, I can't help but cry, and I can't help but miss it. but one day I wont hit next...I'll listen to them. I'll let the music overwhelm me, and I'll smile. smile fondly on the past.

I hope you can smile too.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

just something i threw together

Only In My Dreams

I've been running
without a stop in sight
the road has vanished
in this endless dark of night

I had wanted
someone desperately for years
I've long accepted
that I would never find it here

I lost my mind
and close my eyes 'cause
it's only in my dreams
I can see angels
only in my dreams
life is a miracle

I can't be seeing your face
touching your hand
'cause it seems
it's only in my dreams

You were searching
looking through the broken glass
when I found you
you had thought our time had passed

I'm astounded that you let me hold you back
when even after, you let me take you in

I can't be seeing your face
Touching your hand
'cause it seems
it's only in my dreams

Only In My Dreams by Bob Hartry

Neon, Kentucky

I just got back from my service trip over Spring Break in Neon, Kentucky...part of the Appalachian region. What an amazing experience. But to be honest, also extremely saddening. I have never seen such beauty, and such poverty all in one area. How some people could be so ignorant of the extreme poverty that is in our own country, it just baffles me. The people there are so gracious, so willing to improve their lives, but it is impossible for them to. I wish I could have done more than dig a few holes to build a wall to prevent another mudslide. I wish I could put a booming business right in the town and save their economy, but I can't. It's hard to come back here though, where people can be so selfish and ignorant to the injustices that are taking place in our own country. It's not fair at all, and it's so frustrating to deal with these people. These people who refuse to see past their own suburb.
I guess, that's life though, and all I can do is keep trying to make them open their eyes.