Acoustic Hot Days

So maybe I’ve got a lot to learn
Or maybe I’m just hanging on my words
Or maybe it’s not a big concern
But if I raised my hand
Would I understand why I’m better with you?

So maybe there’s not a lot to say
Or maybe I’m wrong doing things my way
Or maybe things will be okay
If I get it together
And do something clever
But make it better with you


So tell me where did I go wrong before you
Before you came along
Well, it seems like I was lost
You showed me how to do things right
Now I’m so glad that now you’re mine

So let me say it all again…

So maybe there’s not a lot to do
Or maybe I’m just making myself confused
Or maybe I’ve got nothing to lose
But if I get out of line,
Just tell me you’re mine,
And how I’m better with you


So use me, don’t let me screw it up
I believe you and I need your touch
Just a little spice of you
Could never be too much
I believe you and I need you now
To make it better some how
You make it better some how

discontent.

I love how I can be cranky about virtually anything, really. That's such a great talent to have...not.

I feel like I'm justified in this though.
It amazes how much people take others for granted. One day I'm practically dying, and you know...NEWSFLASH. That shock and fear does not wear off. I know this is selfish, but I thought after that whole almost dying thing people would maybe respect you more, not take you for granted...or hey even remember you're still there.
Instead I get like a few minutes of "Ah I'm so happy you're still alive" and then just over the fact that I was almost dead! Why do people have to be so "oh yeah...but I just don't want to spend time with you anyway"

I know this is all extremely selfish, and I really need to work on that, but I'm frustrated and I can't help it. Maybe I just wish I got over everything as fast as others can.

Skull Cap Boys

Taken from my journal today:

Well, I'm at this hippie festival at Bergen Community College- Teen Arts. Of course, right now I'm being exclusive because I think I'm cool like that. Enjoying the first day of June, beautiful day, being anti-social under a tree to keep cool in the grass. A tree which attracts these annoying little light green bugs whom, when you squish them, spurt out yellow goo. Because you really needed to know that.
A few hours ago I was not alone. I was with a group of random friends who decided they wanted to check out the Afro Peruvian Percussion seminar (which was awesome) because it sounded cool. So off we went to the cafeteria where there was a group of about 20 already starting. The guy running it all was a nice humble man who can play a bad ass congo. I scanned the room and there he was. Black skull cap, long hair spilling out from underneath, and a somewhat beard all on his jawline. I was in love. Of course it was obvious that I was staring at him, but we locked eyes about 5 times for more than just a second. Is he interested? Do I look okay today? My breath smells. This same exact process happens every time I see a cute guy, or hope to see a cute guy. It's really pathetic actually.

I separated myself from the group, which I always tend to do and I'm not positive whether that has to do with me just wanting to be alone, or wanting attention. Anyway, once I noticed that Skull Cap Boy left, I left a little bit after that. I found myself under this tree with the gooey bugs. In the 90 degree humid weather, it feels about 20 degrees cooler under this tree. I wrapped myself in Tara Leigh Cobble's book, "Here's to Hindsight". Throughout the pages she discusses her personal struggle to fit in with everyone and her desire to be "cool". Naturally, I was relating to this. This was me in a nutshell, exclusive and all. I was dying someone to notice me at that moment.
I could feel a presence by me and I almost hoped it was Jesus just to say "Hey you don't need to be noticed!". So I looked up and, shocker, it wasn't JC. It was Skull Cap Boy! I'm pretty sure I turned 5 shades of red and my smile was bigger than a little kid's on Christmas. "Hey I saw you at the drum thing right?"
"Yeah!" The irony of someone, especially him, noticing me at this moment was just too much to handle.
"Do I know you from somewhere? You look so familiar!" Ah yes I'm that girl in your dreams. Marry me?
"Oh...yeah...I don't think so," It came out with more nervous laughter than I ever would intend. He took his skull cap off, as if I could recognize him better. His hair was dark brown and extremely curly.
"Ryan from Park Ridge?" He asked running a hand through his hair. His friend to the left of him, a cute hippie girl, stood back with a smile.
"I have one of the familiar faces," I said with a shrug and a smile. He was cute with his facial hair and gorgeous eyes, and his skateboard tucked under his arm.
"Maybe that's it, or I saw you at a show once," Marry me...He gave a little wave and smiled, walked back to the cement, and skated away.

So here I sit, under my shady trade, with the yellow goo bugs, and a big goofy smile on my face. In a way JC did tell me "Hey you don't need to be noticed, by any of these stupid cool kids," Ryan from Park Ridge was already all over that.